Ask KD Blog: 'Why Can’t I Let Go Of My Ex and His New Family?'
Here's a letter we received from one of our readers:
I'm in a confusing relationship with my ex and his girlfriend.
I have a 24-year old son from my ex whom I never married. I left him when my son was 3-years-old because of his inability to support us. He went on with his life and so did I.
He has been in an eight-year relationship and conceived three children. I have only my son.
The woman he is with now is coming to the same realization that I did three years into the relationship, and she has confided in me. I in turn lend a sympathetic ear and consoling shoulder and have even picked up a couple of their expenses in the process to help out.
She has a newborn child that I have helped with some of the expenses for as well. Her son, 6, and daughter, 5, view me as their auntie – I've taken them to events that their parents could not afford to take them to as
well as called them and seen them on a number of occasions where I was viewed as part of the family.
I know you're thinking, where is your ex, their father and her man, in all of this? To a certain extent, he is the same person that I left 21 years ago. He has the same mindset, and is the same individual who doesn't own up to his responsibilities.
The girlfriend has on many occasions thrown him out but has always accepted him back. She has not vocalized why she accepts him back but I could assume she still loves him and also his health has been decreasing with time.
I know that you're going to ask me why is this any of my business. I have my own life, problems and responsibilities. Believe me, I would want nothing else but to block their issues out and to just take care of my own. However, the big "but" is the children and my son are affected if I do so,and, more likely than not, it won't be in a positive way.
I'm also wondering if the reason that I'm not able to make a clean break is because as much as I don't want to admit it, the family he has with this woman should have been our family and that I still have feelings in that respect and feel the need to cling to that falsified notion even though he has not changed.
I'm confused on where to draw the line without losing the relationships I developed with her kids and my son who is so entirely grateful for me being supportive of his siblings when his father is not.
