What is the Definition of ‘Good Sex’?
“Guess what? My naughty friend whispered to me one evening on our way home from work. “I found an app that contains over four hundred sexual positions”.
“Really” I whispered back as I angled closer to her.
As you can expect, we proceeded to spend
our forty minutes journey curiously examining the app, flicking from
one position to another (the images so hot they could burn your
eyeballs), giggling like school girls all the way. We analysed the
merits of each one as we tried to visualize ourselves in the positions
with our other half. Of course we had to be mindful of the many eyes and
ears around us on the London underground before we made the headlines
on BBC!
By the end of our ‘look-see’ my eyes
were popping out-maybe a little crazily but who cared? I had been
thoroughly schooled by this app. Don’t ask for specifics and I won’t
tell you but my head was full! Who uses this stuff? I questioned myself
silently. Surely not normal people?
Well for our own peace of mind, we
decided that what we had just seen was of no relevance to us. In fact,
it was better suited to gymnasts (correct ones o), weight watchers and
other professionals- if you understand what I mean.
Many weeks passed after the phone app
incident and I still had questions. I could have looked on the internet
but I didn’t want to get caught sneakily asking Google about Sex! And I
couldn’t bring it up with my naughty friend because I knew she would
only give me naughty answers accompanied with funny winks. So after
further thought, I asked my older friend from church who had been
married for a few years what she thought was the right amount of
adventure to have with sex. Ladies and gentlemen, her answer was nothing
like I expected.
Without much ado, she told-no preached
to me about God’s plan for sex-with bible quotes. She told me how
enjoying it too much was a sin or led to sin (I didn’t quite grasp that
bit) and how I should stick to having sex for the main purpose of child
bearing. After all, the Bible said nothing about enjoyment when it
mentioned people getting married or having children. The one that
boggled my mind was when she causally mentioned that only spoilt girls
enjoy it anyway so I should just have enough of it to keep my husband
happy because every strong marriage needs enough sex. At this point I
hastily ended the conversation before she damaged me completely. Then I
promised myself that I will forget everything she said once I wrote
about it.
In retrospect, I understand my friend’s
view point. In Africa especially, no one talks openly about sex. It is
like the CIA or FBI’s classified secrets. It is something we think or
know about but dare not admit to. As we grow older, some of us get
married and have children of our own, yet many of our questions are
still unanswered but we choose to suffer on instead of braving the
bewilderment that will greet you if you risked asking the ‘grown ups’. I
can just picture the shock in my mother’s eyes if I asked her the
question(s) I would flippantly ask my friends.
I hope that our generation will raise
their children differently. A little openness will ensure our children
feel safe enough to talk to us plus it will reduce the awkwardness that
many adults feel about sex even when they are married but that is a
story for another day.
For today, let’s simply discuss, as
honestly as possible, what it means to have ‘good sex’ as my favourite
app promised we would do once we mastered its many styles.
Dear readers, is there good and bad sex?
How do you measure whether it is good or bad? To whom or where will you
go if you had unanswered questions or you and your partner were not
working magic yet?
Also we would love to hear what the different holy books say or don’t say about the act of lovemaking.
Kome Olori Agulonu is a writer and business
analyst. She is also the CEO of Chunky Jewels, a brand of unique,
handmade, African inspired costume jewellery sold in the United Kingdom.
You can follow her on twitter @komeolori or email her at
komeolori@yahoo.com