OPINION: Nigerian women now maltreat husbands as more women get in on the domestic violence game
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| A wife beating up her spouse |
A neighbour, Busola Adewunmi, who witnessed the incident which happened around Ikorodu area of Lagos state, told Punch thus “They packed into this house penultimate Saturday morning, around 5 am, and the incident happened on Wednesday morning. On Tuesday, the wife had asked someone to lend her
came out and also washed the pots they used to cook that day. It was around 2 am that things went sore. I learnt she said he was the first to use a hanger to hit her before she also stabbed him in the chest. When the police picked the wrong knife as exhibit, she told them she used a stainless knife in killing her husband, which she also fetched for them. It was said that she wanted to take part of the money the husband brought from her mother to offset the money she borrowed, but he declined.”
Also, another Nigerian wife poured hot water on her husband in Abuja a few days ago; as a result, the victim sustained second degree injuries.
The victim
She is 5 months pregnant and they have a 16 month old child. They have been married for a year and a half. Early in the year, she slapped him which led to his beating her. They reconciled. He also complains that they switch house-help every month because she beats the house help. One led to blood on the wall.”
About four weeks ago, a 25-year-old Ebonyi woman, Blessing Onyibe Nwogbagami killed her husband, Onye in his sleep with his machete because she was fed up of his incessant death threats.
“My husband was fond of chasing me with cutlass whenever we have misunderstanding. Whenever he brings out his cutlass, I will run out of the house for him. On that particular day, October 13, 2014, I had a misunderstanding with him and immediately he picked up his cutlass and chased me out of the house. Later he went to an uncompleted building to sleep. Then I said to myself before my husband will kill me, let me kill him first. While he was asleep I went to where he kept his cutlass and killed him. Then I ran to my husband’s village at Ntezi Nkaliki and told the kinsmen that I killed my husband,” she told Sun newspaper.
Usually, a lot of men say they are embarrassed to talk about this because they are ‘Men’ and that people will laugh at them if they disclose that their partner hits, slaps, punches, swears, belittles or abuses them in any other way but a suya seller who pleaded anonymity spoke to our reporter on Wednesday evening.
The young man in his mid thirties was recently discharged from the General Hospital, IFO local government, Ogun state, after sustaining injuries inflicted upon him by his wife.
“When I first met my wife, she was the sweetest thing but after we got married, she began to show her true colour just because she is bigger than I am. Every day we would argue and over the years arguments gradually escalated, and she has hit and slapped me several times. Last week, she chased me out of the house and while running in the streets, I fell into a gutter and my thigh dislocated, had to be taken to the General hospital. There was a time I got tired and went to Ifo police station to complain but the police officers on duty did not take me seriously, the female officer amongst them even laughed at me and said “And you are not ashamed to come here to complain, are you not a man?”
Also in Ilogbo,a town in the outskirts of Ota in Ogun State, a particular couple, the Oyewusis are known for quarrelling and usually it’s the wife that beats up her husband.
Twice, this YNaija reporter has witnessed the wife, who is a food seller shout and beat up her husband who is an okada rider. Whenever, he arrives later than 10 pm without enough money, there is usually hell in the neighbourhood and the wife locks out the man. Dejected, the man settles to a bar in the neighbourhood to get drunk.
We also sought the opinion of a fifteen year old SS3 student of one of the Lagos state owned secondary schools, Esther, who is a product of a broken home. With misty eyes, she condemned her mother’s way of treating her father, who had to leave the house for them: their mother, she and her siblings. Her father relocated to his home town in Akure weeks ago after constant abuse from his wife in their home.
“It started in February; after Popsy lost his supervisory job at the pure water factory he was working at in Mushin. Mumsy who used to be very caring started acting weird and would shout at him on slightest provocation. Everyday they would quarrel and fight and she would not give him food because he had no job. Twice she threatened to use a hot iron on him and he would run out of the house. He eventually moved out of the house in September, two months ago when Mumsy hit him with a paddle for not being able to play his roles at home. He is now in Akure and has started a small farming business there. It was a sad experience and even now, Mumsy is still not sober, she doesn’t even want us to always mention his name.”
When asked if her mother was seeing someone else, the girl said, “She doesn’t come home with any man but she could be secretly seeing someone because she comes home late at night sometimes.”
A marriage counsellor, Mrs A.B Onwe, in a telephone chat with YNaija, had this to say on the issue: “This year I have had three of such cases. A lot of factors lead to these things. The truth is, in a society where women are now starting to become the breadwinners, it is most likely for the violence against men in their homes to occur. The women of today now move more in men’s worlds, earning and competing with as much aggression and vigour as their male colleagues. And it is very hard for a woman who earns more than her husband to be submissive to him.
“Things are really changing. Once upon a time, men were providing for their families. Now, almost all women are taking charge of homes. So, it is therefore expected that as roles change, attitude changes.
“Also, today, women love to claim their right. They always say, what a man can do a woman can do it better. This is now seen to be on the rise, they are claiming equality with men. So in wanting to do that, they try to dominate their husbands and defend themselves. They don’t want to be cheated or treated as paupers.
“When a woman is pushed to the wall, she tries to defend herself, if the husband is too aggressive for her. When a man has a small stature than the wife, it could bring about an ego issue. After all, ‘I am bigger than him’.
“Emotional problems are another factor that causes it, if things go wrong that is unexpected, like the man losing his job, the wife can react angrily over some issues.
“Also family background is another contribution to the problem. This can be seen in how they are raised up, things they learned or are exposed to. Someone from an aggressive home, naturally would grow up with that attitude. Bad company and friends do negatively influence such women.”
Proffering solutions to the problem, Mrs Onwe said, “Men should therefore marry their match if a woman is not submissive, she won’t take her husband as the head. Then men should try by every means to get their hands on something that will fetch them some earnings till they are able to find their feet. Lastly, both men and women should be prayerful. I think the devil is on the prowl to destabilize families and send men, l mean the men out of this world through the means they least imagined. Which man would ever think that the woman he once loved, dated and married would be the agent of death to him.”
Written by S’ola Filani
